Confessions of a Former Fit Girl

Confessions of a Former Fit Girl

#TestimonyTuesday

Today’s post for Day 13 of #bloglikecrazy has a very stern approach. Let’s just say I got some things to get off my chest today. Hence the title. I have subtitled this entry #TestimonyTuesday because the following is somewhat of a confessional, testimonial, and a rant of sorts all wrapped up into one post. And while all of what comes next is honest and raw from the heart, please do not take it to heart or personal unless the shoe fits and the Holy Spirit convicts. My blog is a special place where I come to pour out my heart about the things that affect me intimately and the life environment that exists around me.
So as a disclaimer: Reader Beware. No vulgar content or swear words, just passionate statements and a few words in ALL CAPS! Nevertheless, let’s press. Here goes my confessional, testimony, and rant, about Social Media the #FitLife and being a former #FitGirl!

“Smoke, nothing but smoke. [That’s what the Quester says.]
There’s nothing to anything—it’s all smoke.
What’s there to show for a lifetime of work,
a lifetime of working your fingers to the bone?
One generation goes its way, the next one arrives,
but nothing changes—it’s business as usual for old
planet earth.
The sun comes up and the sun goes down,
then does it again, and again—the same old round.
The wind blows south, the wind blows north.
Around and around and around it blows,
blowing this way, then that—the whirling, erratic wind.
All the rivers flow into the sea,
but the sea never fills up.
The rivers keep flowing to the same old place,
and then start all over and do it again.
Everything’s boring, utterly boring—
no one can find any meaning in it.
Boring to the eye,
boring to the ear.
What was will be again,
what happened will happen again.
There’s nothing new on this earth.
Year after year it’s the same old thing.
Does someone call out, “Hey, this is new”?
Don’t get excited—it’s the same old story.
Nobody remembers what happened yesterday.
And the things that will happen tomorrow?
Nobody’ll remember them either.
Don’t count on being remembered.”
~ Ecclesiastes 1:2-11 MSG

This is something I have written about as I prepared to close out my former fitness blog as my reason for exiting stage left on the fitness industry and bodybuilding. The above scripture describes my posture and stance on certain aspects of the fitness trends in society and social media and the reason I am beyond over the meaningless folly I personally found myself involved in during that stage in my life.

While spiritually my mindset has always been on a higher purpose and calling for what I was doing with my fitness journey health-wise for myself, it soon became hidden under a world of random selfies, trophies, stages, the endless pursuit of counting macros, mixing protein shakes, hours in the gym, and not to mention that ungodly word known as “competing”. Time not well spent, as it all became a pursuit of vanity. Vain pursuits. Nothing about it brought true life to anyone, including myself. It hardened my heart at times. Made me judgmental. And even at times insecure and covetous in my outlook of my appearance in comparison to that of others and what others thought of me and my appearance. I felt like I had to be “on point” at all times.

How life-giving is that? Am I satisfied with how my body has morphed since I stopped caring about some of these activities. No. I know I have room for improvement. But what I also know, is that that journey is mine and mine alone. The world doesn’t have to see my every progress picture. It doesn’t have to see whether or not I still have abs or ripped arms. That’s my personal business. True dedication to being fit is proven when the stage lights go OFF!

So to those to which these questions may apply, I ask the question, why do you train? So you can take the next half-naked viral gym selfie in the latest Fabletics or Lululemon or Gym Shark outfit of you not actually working out? Come on somebody.

I say again, why do you train? So you can post that arrogant #fitchic #gohardorgohome #etc etc etc. Instagram picture? Oh or better yet, why do you meal prep? So you can show the world that you know how to make healthy food choices?

Oh, one more, why do you compete? *crickets* Oh, so you can post that humble brag stage shot of how grateful you are to be able to go Pro or get nationally qualified and finally update your Instagram profile to say NPC NQ yadda yadda yadda, spare the Miss America sob story (where’s the mini violin and the cheese already)?

How about let’s be more concerned with being Kingdom Qualified? “KQ” for God’s Kingdom. Oooh….chiiiild, did she go there? Alright now, calm down!

Yeah yeah I know, I know, we do it to inspire others. I know the story. Been there, lived that! But in all seriousness, does it all really matter? It’s all meaningless, a chasing after the wind. A vain pursuit. A selfish ambition. When at the end of the day, you’re not Doing it for Others, you’re Doing it for the Gram! But I get it. Almost everybody is auditioning for something. If you don’t believe it, scroll through the ‘gram for a while. Where do you think the “influencer” or “ambassador” concept stems from. It’s a competition for followership. Whoever has the most follows gets the endorsement. It’s all a game of “wear my merch and let me make money off of you and I’ll give you some free recognition (street credit)”. Sorry but I’m over “selling my soul to the game.”

But in reality, how inspiring is it to see pictures of your half-naked body of before and after shots every time I scroll my news feed? I’m sorry but that does not inspire me. Stop letting society and social media make you think that you have to show your “stuff” for acceptance of what you are trying to achieve with your fitness journey.

How inspiring is it to see your alleged, possibly even staged meal prep every time I scroll through my news feed? Umm I’ll pass, if I was hungry or wanted meal advice I would consult a recipe book or my own kitchen, but thanks anyway.

Or better yet, this one… how inspiring is it really to watch you “work out” every time I turn on my news feed? I mean if I wanted to follow a work out video I would go to an actual work out app and download one. They do make those you know. At least those videos may have actually been tested and proven to be safe to follow before being distributed for mass consumption.

Needless to say, in relation to all of the above, rest assure there has been some post #FitLife housekeeping for the news feed of my ‘gram!

Yes, this confession/testimony/rant about the #FitLife and being a #FitGirl may seem harsh, or like I let myself go and feel pissed off about it. But in all honesty, I am not. You don’t know my full story, or the cost of the oil in this woman’s Alabaster box, that that lifestyle had cost me. The time and money I have lost, and the mental and physical insults and injuries I gained in return.

While you Do it for the ‘gram! I’m going to physical therapy. While you Do it for the ‘gram! I’m debating surgery with my doctors for my worsening condition called FAI (more on that later)! While you Do it for the gram! I fight everyday for the strength and energy to work out because the physical pain makes it hard to bear which is mentally frustrating. While you Do it for the gram! I battled a year long war with depression and compulsive overeating. While you Do it for the ‘gram! I had to raise a standard for my online presence that would keep creepers from trying to slide into my DM!

While you Do it for the Gram! I’m working! Strengthening my mind and building a legacy. Putting in hours on my jobs, yes I said job”s”, and stacking money. Praying, studying, writing and planning so that I can leave an eternal impact on the world long after I am dead and gone!

So while you have fun “ Doing it for the ‘gram!” with your gym selfies, your flex Fridays, your meal prep Mondays, and your hump day Wednesdays; you can miss me with that ish! It’s dead works! Oh did I go there? Yes I did. I DID THAT for the ‘gram!

Until next Time…

Write from the Heart,

{Just Being} Candice Maria

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